This election day, go with experience.

With everything seeming like its going wrong in this world: the economy in ruins, Muslims!, global warming, and Cats taking our best careers. 2008 will indeed be a historic election. We, as Americans, have to vote for someone who has proven himself a leader through being  not only a maverick, but a war hero.  And that's why we here at JAG have collectively endorsed the re-election of President THOMAS J. WHITMORE.

"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind.

Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:

"We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We're going to live on!

We're going to survive!"

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!"

Failure of Bush, Victory for mankind, does it even matter?

No. Nothing matters. anymore.  Not after this headline:

MillerCoors discontinues     Zima.

MillerCoors LLC announced Monday that it will discontinue the clear malt beverage Zima, introduced by Coors Brewing Co. in 1992, because of "challenging malternative segmen

t sales and declining consumer interest." (http://www.bizjournals.com/stlouis/stories/2008/10/20/daily15.html)

Monsters. God. Damn. Monsters.

But...Another VICTORY for mankind

The opening line says it all. "When I stopped and saw this firetruck for sale...the wheels started turning and I figured, I could put in a pizza oven and a beer tap and...have a reason to own a firetruck!" This truly is the embodiment of everything that makes the human mind so wonderful. A truly inspiring story of invention that gives credence to belief in such mystical forces as the muse or divine intervention. A true hero, this man saw in this cast aside instrument of public good, not a broken shell of a tool long past its days of serving the populace, but rather an idea transcended from the depths of dreams into reality. Pizza and beer. In a firetruck. Truly inspiring.

See the story HERE

Another Failure of the Bush Administration

Let's face it: the last eight years have been categorized by systematic failures of our executive branch - a total lack of foresight. First, the administration didn't foresee the greatest tragedy on American soil (well, second greatest tragedy)Second, it was Katrina - no one heeded the advice of city planners who knew of the risk of an invalid levee system. Third, no one in the administration seemed to foresee the inevitable monumental failure of running two wars against the notion of terrorism. Now, policymakers in Washington failed to foresee the subprime mortgage crisis.

Because our policymakers in Washington have proven time and again to be inadequate at anticipating tragic events, it is here that I will attempt to raise awareness of the newest threat to our freedoms as Americans, bees.


I don't need to explain the consequences of bees' dog/elderly woman genocide, but I will anyway.

1) We will lose our freedom to not have our elderly women and dogs killed by bees.

2) We will lose our freedom to make blog posts about said bee massacres.

3) We will be inundated with honey.

4) We will grow to dislike the taste of honey due to said inundation - which sucks because honey is great especially on apples.

5) Fox news will replace stories about bees with more of Hannity's America, the worst show since McCarthy and Nixon's America.

I would rather they nuked us....

I would rather they had nuked us, if it meant we got this:





Point goes to japan.


I don't think they could do anything better. Just a bunch of vending machines. I mean thats really all they got over there. Wait, what? THATS A PERSON? Explainn yoself NYT:



Deftly, Ms. Tsukioka, a 29-year-old experimental fashion designer, lifted a flap on her skirt to reveal a large sheet of cloth printed in bright red with a soft drink logo partly visible. By holding the sheet open and stepping to the side of the road, she showed how a woman walking alone could elude pursuers — by disguising herself as a vending machine. (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/20/world/asia/20japan.html?_r=1&oref=slogin)


What the hell is going on in that country? I am pretty sure in the '50s when America started putting Flouride in the water supply Japan chose LSD instead.

Joe the Plumber hits Saturday Morning

Following the imminent Obama victory, rumor has it that ABC is picking up the rights to the new show "Joe the Plumber and Friends." While most characters will be played by puppets, the character of GOP campaign strategist Steve Schmidt will be played by Wallace Shawn, Cindy McCain by the Austin Powers Fembots, and John McCain by the cryptkeeper.

Among the known puppets, there are campaign favorites Joe, Tito the Builder, Ken the Carpenter. New additions include Sam the Asshole Marketing Executive, Charles the Pawn Shop Owner, and Maria the My House is in Foreclosure and Im seriously considering prostitution secretary.

Do I hear Emmy talk?

Women of the World Unite. And unite Now.

Ladies, Nay, WOMEN of the world Unite. This is your hour. This is your time to take that which is so deservedly yours. That torch which was lit by Susan B Anthony, carried by Sackeajeweeaya and risen to an even higher peak by Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin shall not vanquinsh this night or any other, but, rather, should be hoisted atop the the highest of mountains . Seize this moement andbe that which you want to be, you can be a

Sexy Sky Captain

slutty school girl

sultry mechanic

sassy referee

saucy singer

sensationally sexy stripper

a sluty ladybug (seriously, a lady bug? wtf?)

sexy beer garden girl

slutty cop

a sexy cop

a sexy slutty cop

a sexy officier slutty cop

a sluty whore sexy racy cop

GREATEST COP OF ALL TIME

a sexy nurse

SEE. YOU CAN BE ANYTHING! just remember the fishnets ladies, I don't want you all freezing

The Children Have Spoken.

Yup. Fetuses love the Maverick.
My reaction?
At what point did unborn children get together and decide to make Pat their spokesperson.

...And the McCain campaign inches closer and closer to being a highlight on the Soup.

Embarrassing.

ADHISAYA PIRAVI: MTV Award, Best Fight

So, given that the only people who visit, or would visit, this website spend way too much time on the internet, most of you have probably seen some sort of Top 10 list. Personally, I have seen hundreds. Some are comedic, and some set out to showcase some form of badassery. Well, this is one of those lists. And it only has one element. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you a marvel of film making and editing; a segment so great that only the best and brightest minds of Hollywood would dare attempt to usurp this visual orgy of splendor and attempt to top it. I give you, the greatest and most intricately choreographed fight scene in the history of fights, or scenes. And yes, of course it comes from Bollywood.

I AM SO EMBARRASSED.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. Hi Guys, I am really sorry about my absence around here latley. I was gonna try and blame it all on med school, but I have to be honest. For the past three weeks I have accidently posting on jewandGENTLES.blogspot.com. I just figured we had taken that Downy sponsorship and were gonna make some dough off of this thing. ANYWHO. See yall tommorrow.

I shall return

After midterms.

"It's always darkest before the dawn.."- Old guy from Dark Knight