My classy self was recently shopping at Wal-Mart and while in the check out line I was oogling the girl on Glamour magazine when I started reading the cover.
There were the things I had come to expect to see on a women's magazine: New Ways to Wear White, Runaway Hair Made Easy, and of course, Calorie Math. But then I saw the title of an article that really caught my eye : "Ob-Gyn explains whats normal and what's not down there." Hooray! I thought, finally I would understand that dark abyss which has caused me so much confusion and pain (this never happens I Swear, what do you mean thats the wrong hole, shut-up I'm not crying, etc). As I reached to pull this piece of scientific inquiry from its check-out aisle holster, I was called forth by the gorgeous woman at the register. NO!!, enlightenment was out of reach. However, I immediately went down to the Feinberg Health Sciences Library at Northwestern University and began conducting research. 78 hours later, here are my results, and presumed contents of that elusive article:
What's normal:
-A vagina
-Occasionally, a penis entering and exiting
-hair sometimes
-no hair sometimes
-funny shaped hair other times
-Cardboard cylinders
-Wackily Shaped miniature diapers
-Tears
What's not:
-Itching*
-Profuse discharge*
-a De Lorean DMC 12
-Elton John
-Green or grey discharge*
-A copy of Orson Scot Card's sci-fi Novel Ender's Game
*Actual entry from article. If you feel like gagging, it can be found at:
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