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Many of you who know me personally know I spend too much of my spare time interested in the news-cycle. Whether, cable, print, weekly, or old time ticker, I typically pay it attention. However my new-gathering world has been rocked lately. It all began one morning when I woke up and somehow my TV was CNN headline news. For those of you unfamiliar with this cable bastion of information, CNN headline news basically has 4 stories that it repeats every 20 minutes. Unfortunately, my batteries had fallen out of my remote. It was as though my apartment had turn into Sichuan province, because I, too, was trapped. I allowed the TV to stay on and what I was greeted with was this:
Her name is Robin Meade, host of a show called as Morning Express, and she has no business giving me the news. Thanks to her, since I started watching two weeks ago, all I know about current events is that Angelina Jolie might have twins and that gas might be expensive. Even worse, to my room-mates' dismay, I have thoroughly ruined every towel in the apartment.
In full disclosure, I by no means intend to stop watching Morning Express. I just thought I would give everyone the heads up that from here on out my posts will most likely have something to do with American Idol, Brittney Spears, UFOs or other things only idiots care about.
A long time ago, like 1000 years I believe (176), there lived a man named Lewis Carroll. Now this figure in history is OBVIOUSLY most well known for his supposed pedophilial tendencies and also his "poetry" that consisted mostly of nonsense words and phrases. (See: Jabberwocky). This is all common knowledge and known to everyone (even the heathens), but APPARENTLY, he also wrote some story about a girl named Alice and her trip to Belgium. Well, after doing some research, it turns out that this story was actually made into film by well known cryonics expert, Walt Disney. Blah blah blah here is a song that is over 88% comprised of sounds from that movie.
Sidenote: I showed this to someone and they said "I would finish on her face." Does anyone know what this means?
In a startling turn of events, The New York Times is reporting that Chinese Prime Minsister Wen Jiabao (YES, THE WEN JIABAO) has created a facebook account. The title of the NYT piece is China Leader Makes Debut on Great Wall of Facebook. Funny Stuff. I am surprised it they passed over the equally witty: Chinese leader wove you Long time, Online. A breif excert from the story:
Prime Minister Wen Jiabao has jumped into the online social networking world with a page on Facebook, one of the most popular sites of its kind. As of early Wednesday, the page had about 13,000 “supporters.” It reflects the booming popularity of Mr. Wen, also known as “Grandpa Wen,” who flew to Sichuan Province hours after the May 12 earthquake there and traveled through the hardest-hit towns, expressing sympathy to victims all the way. He became the face of China’s grief.
The article goes on to note that there have been more than 500 postings on his wall, with the most popular being "GO CHINA!" The article also says he has less friends than Barack Obama (who has 812,000) but more than Princess Diana (who is dead). The most popular posting on her wall being "Hey look, I am friends with a corpse, yo!"
In a related story, I am going to Poke the shit out of some guy named Wen Jiabao.
My classy self was recently shopping at Wal-Mart and while in the check out line I was oogling the girl on Glamour magazine when I started reading the cover.
There were the things I had come to expect to see on a women's magazine: New Ways to Wear White, Runaway Hair Made Easy, and of course, Calorie Math. But then I saw the title of an article that really caught my eye : "Ob-Gyn explains whats normal and what's not down there." Hooray! I thought, finally I would understand that dark abyss which has caused me so much confusion and pain (this never happens I Swear, what do you mean thats the wrong hole, shut-up I'm not crying, etc). As I reached to pull this piece of scientific inquiry from its check-out aisle holster, I was called forth by the gorgeous woman at the register. NO!!, enlightenment was out of reach. However, I immediately went down to the Feinberg Health Sciences Library at Northwestern University and began conducting research. 78 hours later, here are my results, and presumed contents of that elusive article:
Let us honor the veterans who fought bravely (i.e. went on fun adventures) in our world wars. Let us also honor current politicians who paid their duty to our country:
We're a week into this blog and I am already mocking veterans - this should really be named paganwhosmostlikelygoingtohellandgentiles.blogspot.com
Author Jennifer Hooper McCarty has been making the rounds promoting her new book, What Really Sank the Titanic. I recently caught her on the Colbert Report talking about the book. Basically she puts forth the case that it wasn't just the iceberg that sank the Titanic but also faulty rivets and construction. Publishers description follows:
On the starry night of April 14, 1912, at the dawn of a century charged with human ingenuity and hope, the largest and most advanced passenger ship in the world struck an iceberg and sank to the bottom of the frigid North Atlantic. In the decades that followed, despite numerous official inquiries and the eventual discovery of the wreck itself, key questions have gone unanswered: Why did the double-bottomed, 46,000-ton RMS Titanic, built above and beyond the most exacting specifications, sink in less than three hours? Was the iceberg alone responsible for the tragedy? Or did other factors contribute to the collision's deadly toll? A conclusive explanation has not been given--until now.
WHAT? a conclusive explanation has not been given? I thought when it hit that giant Iceberg and sank was a pretty conclusive. Did the Iceberg have an alibi? Anyways this was just an elaborate rouse to post this classic MST3K clip:
The article reads, "Canadian scientists... have... frogs (crabs)."
The article sheds light on the missing anthropological link that holds both scientific and political implications, as well as the status of small animals living in many Canadians' pubes.
An article in Times Online describes a new procedure being used to help overweight boys get rid of their man boobs. Ballsy? Yes. Heroic?? YES. I tear comes to my eye when I think about the possibility of going to the public pool this summer without having to wear a t-shirt in the pool. It's about time medicine finally started solving some real problems.
The article interviews a Dr. Christian Duncan in Liverpool england who is conducting the procedure. Here is a taste of him describing the man-boobs and their consequences, link below:
"These are firm female breasts, something that any woman would be proud of. There isn’t one month that has passed in the past 12 months where I have not seen a new patient with this condition. It used to be much less common and I am afraid it is a sign of the growing problem of childhood obesity. “We try to teach these boys about making lifestyle adjustments, like getting them to go to the gym, but they just won’t go. They become very self-conscious and it can start to affect their ability to socialise and concentrate at school. Often they are bullied. To rectify the problem for them we basically use liposuction to remove the glandular and breast tissue and fat from around the chest to give a flatter appearance.”
Alright, maybe he hasn't won the Nobel Prize, but that's just a matter of time.
In all seriousness, the Orangutan is having the time of his life. He decimated a sumo wrestler, the pinnacle of all human kind. Why haven't we weaponized these things yet.
Animals have the sweetest life ever. They basically get to do whatever they want at all times. I mean, they can eat, fart, crap, and hump pretty much ANYTIME they want. That sort of life appeals to the Id in all of us. But this damn Kangaroo has taken it a step further. He has taken my favorite dance move, called the "Belltower" and improved it 100% percent. Touche, my friend from down under, touche.
It's 1:14 Tuesday morning and everyone knows what that means...
I'm not getting laid at 1:14 Tuesday morning and will therefore make a list of top 3 something or other.
Let's make it "Leaders"
3) Mickey Mouse - It is said that "Walt Disney works in mysterious ways." It is clear that Walt's frozen corpse is truly in control of Hamas and is still in the forefront of lovable Jew-haters (sorry William Wallace).
2) Ayatollah Khomeni - Barely beats out the mouse, mostly due to his hatred of Western imperialism.
When the high council of knights and warlocks convened and decided to create this blog, one of the goals set forth was for it to help shed light on things in that have for too long gone unnoticed and unappreciated.
Which brings me to We Need Girlfriends. A Web-show that I caught about 3 months ago when I read about CBS acquiring the rights to it. So basically its a show on Youtube that CBS decided was sooo awesome that it needed to be TV. The show was on a bunch of those best of the web lists and the producers were interviewed by G4, BBC World News Radio, Yahoo, etc. The problem is that only nerds pay attention to these outlets so the show is essentially unknown. Even worse, when I want to talk to someone about the show I have no one. All this led me to choose it for Internet classics first edition (and probably last, I mean seriously this is my third post and I am fucking exhausted). The show follows around three New Yorkers in their early 20's who all recently got dumped, and as the title suggests, are looking for some love. The show is surprisingly good. It has some flaws, mainly that at times it seems kind of weenerish, it has an O.A.R. song for its theme and has too much heart. The best episodes are MySpace and Rob vs. Henry. Below is the pilot and Myspace. If you want to watch more just Search Youtube for We need Girlfriends or go to there webpage:http://weneedgirlfriends.tv/.
The Wall Street Journal recently reported that last summer, Illinois Senator Barack Obama told officials in the Teamsters union that he favored ending the Independent Review Board (IRB) that was created in 1989 by the federal government to rid the union of organized crime. Tommy Vietor, a spokesman for Obama, confirmed the story, saying that the candidate believed that the IRB had "run its course" because "organized crime influence in the union has drastically declined." The Teamsters subsequently endorsed Obama for president, in late February.
This will take up at least 5 minutes of your life. 5 minutes that you will never get back. If you have a problem with this, then I don't want your life.
Comments section would probably be a good place to post ones that make you laugh outloud. If you are into that kind of thing. Hopefully we will get popular enough that this site will become your one-stop shop for Free Webcam Girlz and Male Enhancement products in our comments section.
Some might say that the Cold War was has been over for a while. Whether this was marked by the fall of the Berlin Wall or whatever, most agree that it has been over and done with for a while now. The Space Race has been set aside for the most part and it seems that both parties involved have their own problems that don't necessarily involve their former rival. I however, will make the claim that the Cold War was not totally over until recently. Some may argue, "Hey, this didn't even have any cultural or Global significance," or "The USA probably wasn't even involved" or "Thats just a cock-copter." Ok Pollyanna, whatever you say.
If you're like me you've oft sat around on Friday nights alone wondering what would happen if Jason Bounre and James Bond had sex. Well, Reuters has answered that deep question with an article about about a new spider. East Carolina Scientist and Southern Man Jason Bond discovered a species of spider in Alabama and realized that he could either name the spider something normal like Latrodectus tredecimguttatus, or Cyclosa conica and actually get respected by his colleagues but have no one ever hear about it or he could name it after a an awesome rocker and have me write about it in a blog which no one will ever read. Fortunately for me, he had a Heart of Gold and decided to name it Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi after Singer Neil Young. The spider is described as a "trap-door" spider, and the fact that its distinguished from other species on the basis of genitalia. Since he first found the spider in 2007 and only now announced the discovery, I am left to assume he spent the last year looking at Spider Vaginas.
And so begins our little experiment in the world of blogging. What's in store is still a mystery.Much like why this chinese girl is strapped to a giant robot and not me. I can only promise plenty of ill-conceived ideas, poor grammar, lazy and hastily done writing, a lot of links to other more professional web-pages, videos of robots, videos of animals, and some run of the mill self deprecation.
Her name is Robin Meade, host of a show called as Morning Express, and she has no business giving me the news. Thanks to her, since I started watching two weeks ago, all I know about current events is that Angelina Jolie might have twins and that gas might be expensive. Even worse, to my room-mates' dismay, I have thoroughly ruined every towel in the apartment. 
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